I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
