Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
