Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
