Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
