I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
