so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
