You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
