He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
