I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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