break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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