My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
