I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
