I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
