this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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