i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
