I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
