and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
