You don't have asthma, your pregnant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
