I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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