Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
