I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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