bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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