some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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