You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
