I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
