she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize