Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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