Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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