I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
