the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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