If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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