I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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