so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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