You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
