Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
