Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
