Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
