even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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