I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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