Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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