Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
