Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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