she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
