I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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