I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
