I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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