how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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