The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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