Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
