it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
