I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
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