god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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