Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
