What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we made out on top of his cat.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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