We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
