So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
