That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
