apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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