dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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