Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
