you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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