I wanna bring you to show and tell
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
