Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
