Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
