my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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