Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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