I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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