Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
