When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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