After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
