You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
